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My stomach
burned with the heat of a thousand infernos. The Big Mac I had
eaten in celebration of my victory was now tearing its way
through my intestinal lining, one membrane at a time. The
freedom fries supplemented its attack on my stomach walls,
like fighter ships from an enemy carrier. My digestive system
would be triumphant, but not without a fight. The weight in my
stomach grew heavier with each step, but I pressed on. It was
getting dark out, and I had to make it home soon, I had to get
those credits, and I had to make off like a
in the night. After a painful march, I arrived. I sat down,
logged onto AIM, and was barraged with a flurry of messages.
HardHead: Hey, can I wire those credits now? I wanna secure my
spot in the pool. I’ve been waiting for you all day, it’s
about time you got home.
Me: Okay, go ahead and do it. I’ll be on Eve in a bit to
verify that the credits were sent.
Jorpho: Hello. The other investors and I have been waiting for
you; we want to send the isk quickly so you can buy the
blueprint and get to work. If I understand correctly, do you
now have all the isk you need?
Me: No; we’re still 100 million isk short of our goal since
Alltech hasn’t come through yet. I’ve invested everything I
have into this deal, but I can still borrow up to 40 million
from the members of my corporation. It all depends, I suppose,
on how Alltech votes.
Jorpho: Oh, I talked to Magnulus. They were in the process of
voting a few hours ago, I haven’t heard from him since.
Me: Hmm.. Okay, I’ll check my email. You can go ahead and wire
the money, I’ll be on Eve in a bit.
Thoggins: Go into Eve, and I’ll send you the isk. Don’t do
anything stupid with it, or I’ll have to act on my threats.
You have no idea how serious I am about this.
Me: Okay.
A euphoric daze passed over me briefly as reality dawned anew.
I would be scamming this prick out of his money, out of 200
million of his preciously farmed credits, and he wouldn’t be
able to do a damn thing about it. I could envision his
parents’ house being surrounded by SWAT teams. The county
police chief would be holding a megaphone, shouting into it.
“Thoggins! COME OUT OF THE BASEMENT NOW WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE
AIR. DO NOT MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVEMENTS.”
He would emerge, a short fat man wearing a flowing black
trench coat and dark Oakley sunglasses. His hands would be in
his pockets, and he would loudly proclaim,
“The library workers are all dead! Dead! They stole my money,
so I killed them with my bare hands, and I will kill all of
you too!”
He would then start to pull something out of his pocket, and
the entire LAPD SWAT team would open fire on him. The 9
millimeter hollow-point bullets would penetrate his soft flesh
and expand, creating large breaches in each of his vital
organs. They would continue to shoot through his body and exit
out his back, leaving a gaping hole that would spurt out blood
and various torn off chunks of cartilage. They would keep
pumping round after round into his fallen, disfigured mass,
making sure that he was good and dead. And when they finally
got around to investigating the body, they would find out that
he was reaching for a pumped super soaker pistol filled with
laundry detergent.
The police chief would then say, “Well boys, ain’t that an ace
in the hole!” They would collectively chuckle, raid his house
for small bills, and finish off the day at Scarlet’s strip
club.
I opened up Outlook, eagerly checking for a new email from
Magnulus. Finally, I found it.
Dear Nightfreeze,
After much debate and reflection, and a narrow vote, my
corporation has decided that it would be in our best interest
to invest in your Apocalypse blueprint pool. Since, as you
repeatedly noted, it will take well over a month for a 60
million credit investor to receive their BP, we have made the
decision to invest 80 million. I have taken the liberty of
wiring this money to you, and I pray that the pool will reach
its goal soon.
Best regards,
Magnulus
I logged into Eve, and saw that I had several messages in my
in-game inbox. I clicked through each of them, and suddenly,
my credit balance jumped from 6 figures to 9. 480 million
credits. It was done! I had joined the greats, and became one
of the illustrious and famed men who would forever live in
Eve’s history. I was going to live another life, a life devoid
of mining and trading! A life of grace and wealth and
happiness! It was true. It was not a dream from which I would
wake. The past was past. My muddied room now seemed gay, and
in spite of all, I had done it.
I transferred the credits to my alternate character, Tachz,
and logged off. Staring at Nightfreeze’s face in the character
selection screen, I wiped a single tear off my cheek as I
clicked the “delete” button.
I picked up the phone and called Trazir.
“Hello?”
“Hey man, I’ve got some bad news. Are you sitting down?”
“Uh, no, hold on.”
Seconds passed, and an even greater smile broke out across my
face.
“Okay, what is it?”
“One of the investors figured out this was a scam. They all
pulled out their money; we’re basically at ground zero again,
dude.”
“GOD DAMN IT! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WORKED ON THOSE FORUM
POSTS? DO YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I WASTED ON THIS
SHIT?”
“Hey man, I’m just fucking with you. They all invested their
money, I deleted Nightfreeze, and my Tachz is now the proud
owner of 480 million credits.”
A powerful silence passed over the phone. I hoped he wasn’t
having an asthma attack.
“You might want to delete your character too man; once they
find out we scammed them, they’re gonna be pissed. Very, very
pissed.”
“Yeah. YEAH. FUCK YEAH. WE DID IT MAN, WE DID IT.”
“I know we did. I know.”
Now we just had to figure out how to spend it.
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