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I let the
phone ring two times before picking up the receiver.
"You're early."
I could feel a wicked pulse beginning to radiate through the
cord, rapidly working its way toward my inner ear canal. I
held the phone a good 6 inches away, afraid that his voice
might infect my very soul. What I next heard confirmed my
gravest fears; the raspy noise emitted from this banana shaped
object sunk to the depths of my heart, and would haunt my
dreams for months afterward. If Beelzebub himself was an angry
600 pound man with a lisp, he would be Thoggins.
"I count on the element of surprise. Now let's get one thing
straight: we aren't friends, we aren't buddies, we aren't even
acquaintances, so don't run any of your bullshit on me. We're
two strangers in a business deal, and that's it. I think
you're a two-faced son of a bitch with an agenda, but that
doesn't change the fact that your deal APPEARS to be
legitimate and is the only thing going on the player market."
He was breathing heavily, his lungs desperately grabbing for
the heroic air molecules that would be pumped through his
evil, bloated arteries.
I reciprocated his action by breathing heavily as well, but
for an entirely different reason. My fists tightened, my teeth
slowly grinded against each other, and my eyes burned. I
wouldn't allow myself to sabotage hundreds of millions of
credits for a small amount of ego gratification. I just
wouldn't.
"I'm sorry if I said anything that would lead you to think
that. I'm just trying to arrange a mutually beneficial deal
here, ya know?"
"No, I don't. But I called to talk business, so let's talk
business. I want to be the first in line to get that
battleship, and I know that according to the contract you set
up, the biggest investor not only gets the first copy, but he
also gets the original blueprint. So tell me, who's the
biggest investor, and how much has he invested? And you had
BETTER not lie to me, because I have my ways of checking up on
people. If I find out that you have been lying, the first
thing I'll do is persuade the other investors to withdraw,
sending your little blueship pool crashing down. The second
thing I'll do is put you and your entire newbie corporation on
my kill list, and believe me, you do NOT want to be on my kill
list."
I was about to scream back at him, call him a fat fuck, tell
him he was a worthless piece of shit, anything to express my
intense anger and dislike. But the Great Magnet was looking
down upon me, and the familiar pull dragged me above my rage.
I glimpsed over my shoulder, and saw a girl looking squarely
at me. I was perplexed for a moment, but then I realized, so
was she: here was this guy standing near the erotica section
in short running shorts, talking on a red phone that looks
like it might be used to inform NORAD of an impending nuclear
attack. I did what I could to not laugh, and responded to
Sata, er, Thoggins' question.
"The biggest investor would be me. I've put 180 million isk,
nearly all of my savings, into this deal."
"Oh. So if I were to put more than that in, I would not only
get the first copy, but I would get the original blueprint as
well?"
His deception was thinner than Calista Flockhart's wrists. His
intent was to put in the 200 million, then demand the original
blueprint, possibly obtain it, and make for the hills without
producing so much as a single copy. If he did produce any
copies, I was absolutely certain that they would only be sold
for an exorbitant price.
"That's right."
"I'll put 181 million isk in then."
"I'm sorry, but there is a required interval of 20 million
credits for any marginal investment increase above 60 million.
If you look, it's in the contract. So if you want to be the
highest investor, you'd have to put in 200 million."
"200 million? You want 200 million you greedy bastard? FINE!"
The recognizable sound of a phone being flung in rapid motion
through the air broadcasted itself into my ear, followed by an
even more recognizable click. My heart raced, my spirit
soared, and a sudden sensation of green enthusiasm overtook
me. I was rich, RICH, RICH BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS !
I slammed the phone down and turned away, dashing out of the
library into the open day. My cheeks were aflame; my body was
aglow; my limbs were trembling. On and on I strode, far out
over the roads, singing wildly to the sky, crying to greet the
advent of wealth that had cried to me. On and on and on and
on! The possibilities for my newly acquired wealth were
endless! I continued on, walking nowhere, for I had no
destination other than the boundless gates of the infinite.
I halted suddenly and heard my heart in the silence. How far
had I walked? What time was it? My stomach churned, and the
whiff of fries hung heavy in the air. A pair of golden arches
loomed in the horizon, their breastlike curves beckoning me
on. My appetite was aroused, and it was time to eat.
After my banquet, it would be time to collect.
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